Three Kids!

Here's part of the conversation we had at our apartment in Krasnoyarsk, Russia after our court hearing on August 3rd in which the judge approved our petition to adopt Nadia & Eliana:

Linda: I have something to tell you about the kids we're going to raise.

Andy: Okay.

Linda: There are going to be at least three.

Andy: (blank look)

Linda: I just took a pregnancy test, and it's positive!

The look on Andy's face was priceless - a combination of shock, delight, and amusement!

I first began to suspect I might be pregnant on our first day in Russia on our trip to adopt our girls. I might have noticed symptoms earlier if I hadn't been so preoccupied getting ready for our big trip. But having a day to rest in Moscow, I began to reflect on a few symptoms and wonder...I decided to wait a few days before taking a pregnancy test, partly to confirm and partly to not let us get too distracted from the joy of being reunited with our girls and the business of preparing for court.

I knew I couldn't tell anyone my suspicions. Well, I could have told Andy, but I didn't want to get his hopes up until I knew for sure. I knew it would be best not to tell anyone we were working with in Russia who was helping us with our adoption process, because if they knew, it might be harder for us to adopt. We have friends who adopted a boy from Russia when she was 8 months pregnant, and the judge questioned them all the harder, with questions like, "Will you love this boy you're adopting as much as the baby you will give birth to?" Their answer was and continues to be a definite yes, but it wasn't easy to convince the judge of that. Knowing their experience, I just figured we'd save ourselves trouble by keeping this a secret.

After experiencing the joy of being reunited with our girls and after the pressure of court was over, I decided it was time to take a pregnancy test. I really wanted to know and could hardly wait anymore! The next challenge would be obtaining a pregnancy test in Russia without asking anyone I knew for help and not knowing the Russian word for pregnancy. I walked to the drugstore a half block from our apartment and looked around. Of course, all the labels were in Russian. There were three young women working there, all near the front of the store, wondering how they could help me. So I said in Russian, "I want to know if I'm...", then made a gesture for a pregnant belly. Immediately, all three of them responded, "Test!" I smiled, "Da!" One quickly handed me a pregnancy test. I smiled, paid for it, thanked her, and walked back to our apartment.

I immediately took the test, which confirmed what I had suspected. I looked at it in disbelief. I had taken pregnancy tests before, hopeful, but it had always been negative. Quite some time ago I stopped hoping I would ever become pregnant. So you can imagine my surprise when, now, at the age of 41, on our trip to adopt two girls, I had my first positive pregnancy test in my life!

In our earlier years, Andy & I had hoped to both have children biologically and to adopt. As years passed and I hadn't become pregnant, we assumed we would adopt children only. Upon learning of my pregnancy, we were both amused by God's timing. Clearly He led us to adopt. If I would have gotten pregnant earlier in our adoption process, our adoption agency would have told us to wait a year after giving birth before moving forward. But because we didn't know I was pregnant until we were already in Russia to adopt our girls, it didn't slow down our adoption process. Andy & I also reflected on how difficult it would have been for us to go through this whole adoption process, including being gone for a month, if we already had a child. And once we had done everything we needed to do for the adoption process, God wasted no time in then providing for us a biological pregnancy as well.

So after the initial shock wore off, we went out to dinner to celebrate our impending parenthood - of Nadia, Eliana, and the baby inside me. I think both of us were too excited to sleep well that night.

The next morning:

Linda: How did you sleep?

Andy: Not so well.

Linda: That's not surprising. You had a big day yesterday. You became a father of three!

Andy smiled.

Nadia Begins Kindergarten!

For the past couple weeks I've been working on finding a good situation for Nadia for afternoon kindergarten. She is eager to learn and very social and active, so we believe it will be good for her and help her to learn English. And Mama needs a break during the day, so it's definitely good for me and helps me to be a better mother.

I first was hoping to enroll her in the school two blocks from our home where there are lots of ELL (English Language Learning) students (mostly Hispanic). But when I went to enroll her, I learned the school is full, and also that our entire community of Richfield no longer offers half-day kindergarten. Having just joined our family less than 4 weeks ago, I didn't think putting her in school all day was a good idea. I called many other schools, both private and public, and was not finding any good options - some were too expensive or required a good handle on English before starting. I called Minneapolis Public Schools and at first was told that all their kindergarten classes with ELL programs were full day. It felt like I kept running into dead ends.

Later I talked with someone who told me there is one public school in Minneapolis that offers half-day kindergarten and has an ELL program. She said the school is full, but the principal had adopted a couple boys from Russia and maybe he'd make an exception and let her in. The principal called me just a few hours later and invited me to enroll Nadia in kindergarten at their school! He told me they have a good ELL program, and that about 15% of their students are adopted from various places, so it is a fairly normal thing at their school! And it's afternoon kindergarten, allowing me to get a break while our younger daughter, Eliana, naps! Also, it is in south Minneapolis (close to Richfield). And it's free. :) This definitely seems like a provision from God!

So we visited the school on Tuesday. I met with the principal, and we swapped stories of adopting from Russia. He gave us a tour, introduced us to Nadia's kindergarten teacher, the ELL teacher, and others, and encouraged me that kids soak up English quickly. I was very impressed with both the staff and facilities.

When we told Nadia later with an interpreter that she'd be starting school, she said repeatedly in Russian, "I don't want to." I wasn't surprised. A lot of kids are anxious about their first day of school, but Nadia has been through so many major transitions in a short period of time, and this would be one more. We encouraged her that we think she'll like school. Since she was so anxious, I joined her for her first day of kindergarten yesterday. Her teacher is great and made special efforts to help Nadia feel welcome and encouraged other students to do so as well. Nevertheless, Nadia clung to me the whole time and was reluctant to speak to anyone. She told me several times she wanted to go home. I'm sure she understood very little of what was being said, which probably added to her discomfort and anxiety.

So I wasn't at all surprised when she cried and cried this morning at the thought of attending kindergarten by herself. She repeatedly cried, "I don't want to". I told her I understood, but I gently encouraged her to try it. I anticipated more crying and clinging today upon leaving her at kindergarten, but when she got to the classroom and the teacher welcomed her and invited her to join other students in playing, she went along and almost forgot about me until I said, "See you later". When I picked her up after school and asked her how it was, she smiled and said, "Good", and seems to be looking forward to returning. More answers to prayer! Thanks to God and thanks to many who prayed for this additional transition to go smoothly!

Truly Americans Now

On our way to Milwaukee for the girls to meet my family this weekend, we stopped at McDonald's and they had their first Happy Meals. I figure now they're truly Americans!

We had a great visit with family, and they did well on the long car ride. They both enjoyed the big trampoline, a new park, and time with new relatives.

Photos from our Homecoming

Our good friend Debra Ackmann took these pictures at our arrival at the airport in Minneapolis on August 22nd.

Almost Home!

It's been a busy week. We would have posted more, but we've been busy with the girls from morning 'til evening each day.

We've been looking forward to getting back to the U.S. We made it to Atlanta this evening, where the girls promptly became U.S. citizens. They also retain their Russian citizenship, so now they have dual citizenship. The line for getting this paperwork taken care of at the airport was moving at a snail's pace, so we missed our connecting flight to Minneapolis, but got free rebooked flights for tomorrow morning. It's probably best this way actually, because we had already been traveling for over 21 hours today. Now we can get a good night's rest before our final flight home, and the girls can be fresh for the new faces and places they will see tomorrow.

After getting to a hotel for the evening, we introduced the girls to pizza. At first, Nadia didn't want any. She thought we were going to eat "pteetza" (Russian for "birds"). When she found out we weren't going to eat birds, she tried it and liked it. :)

Introducing Our Daughters!

Introducing...

Nadia Eileen Lang, 5 years old

Nadia has been her nickname, short for Nadezhda, meaning "hope". We pray she will be full of hope, and that her hope will be in God.

We gave her the middle name Eileen after Andy's beloved maternal grandmother, who passed on last November. We already see in Nadia some of the same wonderful qualities Grandma Leenie had, such as a generous heart and being very organized.

Eliana Sophia Lang, 21 months

Eliana, a slight change from her Russian name Alyona, means "My God has answered me." Our God has answered us countless times along this adoption journey, and we pray Eliana too will come to know God in this way.

Sophia means "wisdom", a quality we hope for her to attain.

We thank God for these girls!

Photos from Gotcha Day

See Linda's post below for details about how our day went.

Gotcha Day!

I'll admit I've been nervous about this day and all it would bring. You all must have been praying, because it went amazingly well! The day started with Andy signing official adoption documents. Then at 3pm, our driver, Sergei, and local agency representative, Yelena, picked us up for the hourlong drive to the orphanage as usual to arrive after naptime, but this time we all knew we'd be leaving with the girls!

When we arrived at the orphanage, we were asked for the clothes we had brought for the girls, so their caregivers could change them into those clothes. Meanwhile, a group of folks was gathering to say goodbye to the girls, mostly orphanage caregivers, but also the 8-year-old daughter of one of the caregivers, Diana, whom we had met while playing on the playground. Diana had brought gifts for Nadia - a Barbie doll, a handpicked bouquet of wildflowers, a chocolate bar, and a pink purse with crayons and other items inside. As the girls were brought out, many who cared for them became teary-eyed. Eliana didn't seem to understand what was going on at her young age of 21 months, but Nadia did. Diana's mother very lovingly put a cross necklace around her neck and said some words to her in Russian. How I wish I knew what she had said! She suggested they exchange addresses with us, and we gladly did. As the reality hit Nadia that she was leaving all these people who loved her so much and whom she loved in return, she too cried. Honestly, I was glad to see that she was understanding the finality of leaving the orphanage and all these people she knows. It's a healthy thing to grieve one's losses, and if the grief didn't hit her now, it eventually would later. (Even if she hadn't been adopted, she couldn't have stayed at this orphanage much longer anyway, since children usually have to move on when they turn 4 years old, and she recently turned 5. She was allowed to stay at this orphanage with her younger sister in hopes that the two of them would be adopted together, and thank God they have been!) It's also such a positive sign that she & her orphanage caregivers had such a loving relationship, because that makes it so much more likely that she will be able to form a strong attachment to us as her new adoptive parents.

We had a fairly quiet ride in the van, and Nadia began to smile again. I thought to myself, "What a brave girl! At 5 years old, to leave everyone and everything she knows to go with us to a foreign place!" I'm thankful again that their caregivers prepared them so well. In the van, the girls were quite interested in looking out the windows and seeing all the sights. It was fun to hear Nadia exclaim at the big river, the big tractor, and so on. Meanwhile, Andy & Eliana were looking at our photo album, and I heard Andy asking, "Who's that?" in Russian, and Eliana responding, "Mama", "Papa", or "Na" (for Nadia). Heartwarming.

We arrived back at our apartment, and Yelena & Sergei helped us set up a crib & bedding, and also translate messages such as, "Don't touch the stove", and other things the girls would need to know.

Back at the apartment, the fun was just beginning. Nadia loved exploring her new environment! She enjoyed trying out all the lightswitches and seeing the lights go on & off at the switch of a button. She was excited to find some new toys, like a big inflatable duck for her and her sister to sit in at bathtime.

It was getting close to dinnertime, so Andy decided to try making chicken & rice meatballs, a dish the girls were served at the orphanage. Nadia joined him in the kitchen and "helped" him the whole time he was preparing dinner. It was great to see her never seem discouraged despite the fact that we often don't understand what she is trying to say to us. She just carried on with enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, I was with Eliana, who was enjoying opening all the things in Nadia's new purse that she had just received from Diana. She'd repeatedly dump out the crayons, then put them back in the box one by one. She also enjoyed repeatedly opening a box and hearing me say "open", then shutting the box and hearing me say "shut". It was also fun to see her discover herself in the full-length mirror! She also enjoyed carrying around and putting on her new shoes. But what girl doesn't?

For dinner we had vegetable soup and Andy's chicken & rice meatballs. The meatballs didn't quite turn out as Andy had hoped, so he got out the ketchup and put some on each girl's plate. They began eating ketchup by the spoonful and seemed to be enjoying it until Andy showed them how to dip their meat into the ketchup. Although the meal wasn't really what they're used to, it was encouraging to see both of them willing to eat whatever was put in front of them. In fact, Nadia had several meatballs. When there was just one left, she asked Papa if he wanted it, and he told her to go ahead and eat it. She's already a good Minnesotan, not wanting to take the last of anything. :) Nadia was especially excited about trying the chocolate bar, and we let her have some after supper.

After a little more playtime, we told the girls it was time for baths. Nadia got the big inflatable duck and bath toys and brought them into the bathtub while we undressed Eliana. After we put Eliana in the tub, Nadia proceeded to wash Eliana's hair and body! Wow, what an amazing helper she is and without being asked to do so! (Her orphanage caregivers had told us that she has been a great helper. She was the oldest child at the orphanage, so she had come to take on that role.) Then Nadia bathed, repeatedly telling me in Russian that she wanted to do it herself.

Nadia was excited about her new Dora the Explorer pajamas, toothbrush, and backpack. I told her I think Dora looks like her. She proudly showed off her new pajamas to Papa.

After a bedtime snack of warm milk, we put the girls to bed. They each went down fairly easily. We heard a few brief whimpers from Eliana, the first hint of a cry from her all day, but that quickly stopped. They & Andy seemed to fall fast asleep, while I was eager to begin writing about the day.

Before bed, Andy smiled and said to me, "Things went as well as they possibly could have!" They certainly went far better than I could have imagined! Thank you, Lord, and thank you, friends & family, for your prayers, which continue to be answered in amazing ways!

Passport Pictures & the Park

Today we took Nadia & Eliana to get their passport photos. They were all dressed up when we arrived at the orphanage (as they usually have been), and Eliana had a big orange bow in her hair. It was their first time leaving the orphanage with us. Apparently, car seats are not used here for kids, so we just held them as we rode in the van. Nadia seemed excited to be going somewhere, while Eliana just looked around at all the new sights.

After the passport photos were taken, we went to a new park with fun wooden play structures. Nadia really enjoyed the seasaw with us. It's always so fun to see her delight at new things! Eliana wasn't ready for that, but seemed content in a swing.

Later we returned to the orphanage, where the girls had scrambled eggs for an afternoon snack, then we played more. Eliana enjoyed looking at books & our photo albums with me, while Nadia & Andy played a matching game and colored. We've been impressed that both the girls will put a toy back exactly where they found it before taking out a new one. It's even more impressive when little Eliana pulls down a heavy toy for herself, and after playing with it, puts it back up on the shelf.

Afterwards, Nadia got a sponge with soap and cleaned each surface she had used and even some she hadn't used, like the staff desk and the big red ball in the room. She seemed to enjoy cleaning so much, she probably would have cleaned more if she hadn't been told it was time to return to her group. Wouldn't it be nice if that inclination keeps up! It was a very good day.

Sweet Gestures

Eliana's caregivers told us last week she hasn't started talking yet, just babbling. We've read it's not at all unusual for institutionalized children to have speech delays, because they don't have a parent talking to them throughout the day like most children do. I guess that made it all the sweeter when, as Eliana sat on my lap today and looked at our photo album, and I'd ask in Russian, "Who's that?", she'd see a picture of me and say "Mama", or a picture of Andy and say "Da". Maybe she was babbling, but then again, maybe she really knew what she was saying.

Later, outside on the playground, Nadia picked wildflower after wildflower after wildflower and gave them to me, making me a bouquet. Sweet gestures.

We told Nadia today to show us five fingers, then told her that in five more days she & her sister are coming with us. She gave a big smile.

Odds and Ends

I made some fried potatoes and onions this morning, tasted very good.  I'm trying to sharpen my cooking skills a bit here so we've got some options when the girls come back from the orphanage with us and want to be fed something familiar.  Last night I spent quite a bit of time online trying to figure out exactly how to make borscht and chicken-rice meatballs.  This morning I made kasha (oatmeal) successfully for the first time since we've been here.  Maybe tonight I'll make my first attempt at borscht; I hope I can find a soup bone or some soup stock in a store nearby.


The weather here has been cool and cloudy most of the time, with temperatures in the low 60's.  Today it's raining with a strong wind blowing against our 10th-story apartment windows.  Much better than being trapped in the hothouse of Moscow, which is experiencing its hottest summer ever recorded (weeks of 90-100 degree days with no breaks and no rain) and horrible fires all around the region that have made it so hazy that the airport was shut down for a bit.  Many villages around Moscow have burned to the ground and over 50 people have been killed due to the wildfires.  I'll gladly take Krasnoyarsk's rain and wind over that.


Driving here is familiar but alarming by American standards.  Cars travel on the right as they do in the US, and traffic configurations are similar with some roundabouts at major intersections.  What is unnerving is the lack of space that vehicles give to each other.  On a two lane highway, people will pull out to pass and drive right down the centerline, expecting people on either side to make room and honking to make sure that they do.  I'm glad I don't have to drive here.

Visits

Our daily visits with the girls have been pleasant.  One day this week we got to spend a couple of hours outside with them at the orphanage, which has several playgrounds, a courtyard, and a very beautiful flower and rock garden within its outer walls.  We played in a sand box, on some slides, and walked around looking at bees, grasshoppers, butterflies, and other things one finds in the grass in a Russian midsummer.  Eliana loved playing in the sand, picking it up and bringing it to Linda handfuls at a time.  Nadia and I threw crabapples up into the air and dodged them as they fell back down.  She still seemed to prefer playing on her own, or maybe she just didn't find me all that rewarding a playmate when I couldn't converse with her in Russian. 

We got a look at a typical lunch the girls are given, and were surprised at the size of the portions, which seemed like they would easily feed an adult.  The girls each ate a big bowl of soup with a large hunk of bread, then a bowl of shell macaroni and chicken meatballs.  Alongside this was a glass of fruit punch.  Both girls quickly ate their meal; Nadia ate neatly and gave her sister some of her own portion, while Eliana surprised us at how well and how quickly she was able to feed herself.  

There were no children's eating utensils.  The girls both used adult spoons, cups, and plates, with no sippy cups or kid-sized anything.  At 20 months of age, Eliana picks up a cup and drinks like an adult would (though more noisily) and she's always out of breath when she's through.  She does spill some of the food onto herself, but I was still struck at how well this little girl can feed herself with no help, and how quickly she eats.  She held her large adult spoon in her tiny hand out at the end of the handle, just like an grownup would, even though the spoon was as long as her own forearm.  I did end up helping her by cutting up her chicken meatball into smaller pieces, which caused her some alarm until she saw I was not going to eat her food but was instead chopping it up for her.  I wonder if the girls have had other kids grab their food when caregivers aren't looking, or if they're just taught to eat quickly to keep things moving for the caregivers.  

Our Adoption Journey

A couple friends recently asked the story of our adoption journey. Since others of you may also be interested, and I enjoy telling the story, here it is:

I remember telling Andy before we even got married that I'd be interested in adopting someday. Knowing there are many children in the world in need of loving parents and feeling compassion for those growing up not feeling loved, I shared that I'd be happy to adopt a child or children in need of a loving home someday. Andy also was open to adopting someday. (I've since learned there are approximately 143 million orphans in the world today!)

Well, we got busy with our lives, pursuing ministry, studies, and work and enjoying those things. Every now and then the topic of adopting would come up, but it wasn't a top priority for either of us for the first several years of our marriage. It was always something we might pursue "later".

Then on the evening of April 29, 2006, we attended a fundraiser at a local Russian church, where teens and their leaders were describing a mission trip to a Russian orphanage. The photos and stories broke both of our hearts. That evening God gave me a deep desire to adopt Russian orphans. I remember praying that evening, "Lord, if you want us to adopt, please put it on Andy's heart too." Without my saying anything, later that evening, Andy said, "I think we should adopt sooner rather than later." Wow, that was a quick answer to prayer and affirmation from the Lord!

Andy was in seminary at the time with one year to go and thought it best to wait until after he graduated before we started the adoption process. He would be graduating in May 2007. During that year we talked about where we might adopt from. Both of us shared that we'd like to adopt siblings from Russia. Wow, not only were we agreed on adopting, but without even having to discuss it, we both felt led to adopt siblings from Russia! We sensed the Lord must have put that on both of our hearts, as we've not often both felt led to do the same thing! (Why Russia? We spent several months there as short-term missionaries when we were just out of college, so we have a heart for the people and know some of the language. Also, although there are orphans all over the world, we are most familiar with the plight of orphans in Russia.)

Just before we were to officially start the adoption process, in April 2007, major newspapers were reporting that Russia had suspended international adoptions. So we prayed God would reopen Russia to international adoptions. After Andy graduated in May 2007, we began looking into adoption agencies. At our first adoption agency informational meeting on June 22, 2007, we learned that some U.S. adoption agencies were starting to get reaccredited for Russian adoptions again! Another answer to prayer!

During the next several months we were hearing some discouraging news about adoptions from Russia, that it might move very slowly, or we could invest a lot of money, and it might not happen. We prayed about it, considered other options, but in the end stuck with Russia, because we believe that is how God led us.

Early in the process we learned that adoptions from Russia are very expensive, and adopting two at once, even more expensive (more than a year's salary), and we wondered how we would ever pay for it. We heard others share stories of starting the adoption process, not knowing where the money would come from and seeing God provide every last cent. We too started the process in faith, not knowing where the money would come from, but trusting that if God is leading, then He will provide what we need. Three years later, as we are about to complete this process, we can say God has indeed provided every last cent. He has done it in a variety of ways - generous gifts from family & friends, selling our last home at a significant profit (many thanks to family & friends who helped us prepare the home to sell!), receiving a homebuyer's tax credit on our current home, receiving frequent flyer miles for our trip from a friend, etc. We're very thankful to family and friends who have given generous gifts to help us afford to do this! And we're very thankful to God who has provided for every need!

We also learned that adopting children older than infants can be challenging, because the children will have experienced the loss of their first caregivers and potentially other traumas before being adopted, which can deeply affect how they view themselves and others, and therefore affect their bonding and behavior. While my heart went out to hurting kids, I wondered if I would be up to parenting kids in such a situation. The past few years have provided opportunities to learn a lot about helping hurting kids to heal, as well as getting to know lots of other adoptive parents with a variety of experiences. While we expect challenges after adopting, we now feel better prepared, or at least better aware of lots of great resources available to us, than we did a few years ago.

The process involved LOTS of paperwork, doctor appointments, and various trainings. We finally completed our home study and dossier in the spring of '09 and were told we'd probably wait 1-2 years for a referral. Actually, we received our first referral (for 3 siblings) about the same time as all our paperwork was complete. After agonizing over the decision, we declined our first referral for a combination of reasons.

On March 19, 2010, we received the referral for Nadia & Alyona. Andy was away at a conference, and I was at home when the referral came, so we spoke briefly by phone on his conference breaks. Our first response upon seeing their photos was, "They're cute!" We also were very happy that the girls are similar ages to many of our friends' kids! We had a week to make a decision, during which time we had their medical information reviewed by the International Adoption Clinic, received hopeful responses, prayed, and asked others to pray for us as we made our decision. At the end of the week, we decided to proceed.

We were initially scheduled to travel to Russia April 17-24 to meet the girls. It was about a week previous that Tori Hanson caused an international incident by sending her adopted son back to Russia on a plane by himself, which led Russian authorities to threaten to suspend U.S. adoptions of Russian children. All week we wondered whether we would be traveling or not. Our trip seemed to be on again, off again.

As of the morning of April 17th, adoptions were still proceeding and our flight was on. We got as far as the airport gate that morning, waiting to board the plane, when the announcement came that all travel to Europe was cancelled due to volcanic ash over Europe. So we headed back home. We learned that the last time this volcano erupted was about 180 years ago, and it lasted for two years! We prayed this one wouldn't disrupt travel very long. Thankfully, it cleared up within a week.

Threats of Russia suspending U.S. adoptions of Russian children continued, with many news sources saying that was the case. The U.S. State Department website, however, assured us that adoptions were still proceeding, although more slowly in some regions. That was another answer to prayer that adoptions were continuing!

So our first trip to meet the girls was rescheduled for May 8-15. We didn't know what to expect. We had read that toddlers often are afraid of strangers and could react to us in a variety of ways. We were pleasantly surprised when Nadia (almost 5) approached us all smiles and her sister Alyona (18 mos.), unsure what to make of us at first, quickly warmed up to us. We found them delightful, began to bond, and decided after our first visit with them, to proceed in adopting them. We were also very happy to see that have been well taken care of in a very good orphanage, yet another answer to prayer!

The last couple months since then have been full of more paperwork (which thankfully made it to Russia in time for an Aug. 3rd court date, despite my fumbles), Russian language study, reading about adoptive parenting, painting rooms, shopping for the girls, and other preparations.

And that brings us to our current trip to officially adopt the girls and bring them home. We thank God for healing Andy from illness shortly before our scheduled court date earlier this week! And we're thankful for continued bonding with the girls.

As I reflect on this journey, I'm deeply thankful for our Heavenly Father's guiding and providing hand from beginning to end, which is very encouraging as our journey in many ways is really just about to begin. And we are thankful to all of you for praying with us and walking with us along this journey!

Gotcha minus 9

Adoptive parents informally refer to the day of taking physical custody of the child as “gotcha day”.  After our hearing Tuesday, there began a mandatory ten-day waiting period at the end of which the judge will sign the final adoption decree.  Until that day, Linda and I will drive each day for an hour to the orphanage to spend a couple of hours with the girls.

On Gotcha Day, at the end of next week, things will be different.  We will make the same trip out to Sosnovoborsk as we have many times before, but this time we will bring two sets of girls' clothing with us.  Before we leave with the girls, they will change into the new clothes that we give them, and leave their old ones behind at the orphanage, to be used by other children who will need them.  We will walk out the big white doors at the entrance to the van, drive out the blue gates of the orphanage, and never return.  The girls will probably never see any of the other children or the caregivers again, except for the photos of staff that we have been allowed to take for the girls' sake.

Prior to Gotcha Day, we have some work to do in preparing for our new status as parents.  We will have to have everything ready in our little flat for the girls to stay for a few days with us, until all their paperwork is in order and we can leave Krasnoyarsk with them.  We need to have the proper food, clothing, diapers, toys, and all that; most of this we have already done, though we have some more work to do before our ten days are up.  

But we also have to figure out how to get on with becoming a family with two girls who do not speak English.  In a sense, we have been preparing for this for over two years.  But now that we are coming to the point of the reality of their arrival in nine days, we are beginning to see more clearly the challenges of this, especially after getting more face to face time with the girls at the orphanage, and seeing more details of their little personalities emerging.

Nadia is a pleasant, smiling little girl who likes to play with us, and likes talking to adults.  We can tell, though, that she is a bit at a loss in talking to us (me especially), and I am sure she wonders why these strange-sounding adults seem so hard of hearing what she is saying.  We have also noticed that she tends to quickly move from one activity to another.  I have been wondering on this; whether this is mainly because she is the only older child in an orphanage that is designed for children more her sister's age and she is therefore used to getting quickly bored by the simple activities the toddlers are doing, or if instead it is because she has a naturally short attention span.  

She also seems to prefer not to do things that she does not already know how to do well.  She has demonstrated a great deal of competence in various areas; but when we have shown her a new thing that she has never done before, rather than attempt to do the new thing (like jumping backwards instead of forwards, for example), she will turn away and want to do something else.  Perhaps again this is because she is used to being the big girl on the block who knows how to do everything, and doesn't want to try to do anything in front of us if she's not absolutely sure she knows how to do it.  Maybe she's afraid of disappointing us if she can't do something, or maybe she doesn't want to be seen as dependent in any way for help from adults?  
Until our language situation gets better, it could be pretty hard to really understand what's going on in her little heart.  How would we teach English to a girl who might be ashamed when not doing things perfectly well?  Or is this something else, a very strongly self determined little person who simply chooses only to do what they know well because she feels more in control exercising mastered skills?  Both?  Or something else?  And how shall we love and parent her well in this early time when communication is harder?

These are some of the things going through our minds now, as Gotcha Day gets closer.

Da

We just got back to our apartment here in Krasnoyarsk; it's 4:30pm on Tuesday, August 3, 2010.  A judge just approved our request to adopt Nadia and Eliana.

The hearing started at 2pm, in a light green courtroom, the seal of Russia on the front wall.  In the room were the two of us, our interpreter, our agency representative, a representative from the orphanage, a member of the orphanage's board of trustees, the court secretary, the judge, and the local prosecutor.  I was the only male in the room.  We all stood as the judge entered, and she informed us of our rights before the court and asked if we wished to make any requests before beginning the hearing.   We asked that we might be allowed to to use an interpreter and also that we be allowed to submit an album of photos of ourselves with the girls.  Both were approved.

The judge then read aloud our petition to be allowed to adopt Nadia and Eliana, and asked if we had any changes to make, which we did not.  She then asked me to stand and answer a series of questions which lasted most of the hearing.  She wanted to know why we were adopting rather than having children of our own biologically, why we were adopting internationally, why Russia, why two children at a time, and so on.  She wanted to know what our home was like, whether we had any balconies or places that children might fall from, if we had any pets, and if our backyard had a fence.

"Do you have any bad habits?", she asked me.  "Biting my nails," I replied, causing chuckles in the room, "probably others that my wife could tell you about, but none that would affect my ability to adopt these girls."

So many questions--about what I liked to do in my free time, what my job was, how many hours a week I worked, how much I was paid, whether I could afford to raise two children on my salary alone, they seemed to go on and on.  She wasn't hostile, but quite serious and businesslike.  A few times I made the room laugh with my answers, which I thought was an achievement given traditional Russian stoicism.  When she asked me to describe our first meetings with the girls, as I described Nadia's smile, generosity and orderliness, and Eliana's reserve that gradually melted away, I saw the orphanage representative's eyes tearing up at my descriptions of how we began to see the personalities of the girls coming through.

She wanted to know about how we would raise them--how we would handle discipline, tantrums, and unexpected difficulties.  She mentioned the incident of the Russian boy who was adopted and then sent back to Moscow alone on a plane, and asked whether we would do likewise if unexpected problems arose with the girls.  "Absolutely not," I said.  I explained that we knew that we were likely to discover issues and difficulties after getting home with the girls, and that we had a great network of friends and family to support us, along with a great church and professional resources like the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Minnesota close by as well.

Eventually, she told me I could sit down, and she asked Linda to stand and address the court.  Linda got some questions about her plans for work, her cooking, her health habits ("Do you eat cheeseburgers?") and her feelings toward the girls.  Linda did great, and then the judge's questions were over.

Then the representatives from the orphanage, the board of trustees, and the prosecutor addressed the court, giving their assessment and recommendations.  All were in agreement that in view of the fact that the girls had been made available for adoption by Russian families and had not been adopted, and since we had demonstrated the desire and ability to be good parents to them, it was in everyone's best interest to grant our petition.

We then were all told to leave the courtroom while the judge deliberated, and so we stood outside in the darkened corridor for less than five minutes before the judge summoned us back inside.  She read her decision to us, granting our petition to adopt the girls and to change their legal names.  Nadezhda Alexandrovna Kazina became Nadia Eileen Lang, and Alyona Alexandrovna Kazina became Eliana Sophia Lang.  The hearing was adjourned, and the judge told us, "Love them well."

Now we must wait for the mandatory ten-day period before we can take the girls into our custody.  We are allowed to visit them, but they must remain at the orphanage during this time.  Then, once we have them with us at our apartment here in Krasnoyarsk, we have to apply to the US Embassy in Moscow for US passports and visas to allow them to travel with us and to enter the US.  Once those are approved, we will fly to Moscow with the girls, take them to a doctor for mandatory exams, then bring them to the US Embassy in person for their citizenship paperwork to bring with us on the flight.  Then we fly to Atlanta, where they will become citizens upon entering the country, and then the last flight home to Minneapolis.

Three years plus in coming, it is very good to get to this point.  Now we can relax a bit and enjoy our final ten days of kidlessness.  Then the real hard work and fun begins.

God Has Answered; We're Off to Court

Although Andy's symptoms yesterday suggested he might be getting a flu or some such thing, thanks to your prayers and God's faithfulness, Andy feels significantly better this morning! We'll be heading off to court in just over 3 hours. We'd appreciate prayer for the hearing itself. Thanks!

Please Pray for Andy's Health & Our Court Hearing

Our court hearing is scheduled for 2pm Tuesday. (Krasnoyarsk time is 13 hours ahead of MN/WI time.) We rehearsed with the area representative & an interpreter today. We can expect the court hearing to last 2-3 hours.

Andy started feeling ill today. He has a fever, chills, and aches all over. We'd appreciate prayer for a quick recovery, at least well enough for him to appear in court and give answers that will satisfy the judge.

We were told that the husband is asked the majority of the questions. (Their assumption is that the wives are often the instigators of adoption, and that way they can see if the husbands are truly on board.) So the weight of the court hearing falls on him.

Postponing our court date really isn't an option, as the next open court date probably isn't until late September or later.

God has been continually faithful in the past, and we expect He will be faithful once again. Thanks so much for praying for us once again!

Reunion

This afternoon we went back to the orphanage for the first time since we left Krasnoyarsk over two months ago. We arrived and quickly went to the children's upstairs playroom, and then the girls were brought in. N remembered us immediately and broke into a huge smile as she came to us, while her younger sister A didn't seem to remember us so quickly and looked a little frightened at all the attention we were giving her.

We told them how much we missed them, and explained to N that the next time we leave the city we will be taking them with us, several days from now. She seemed a bit skeptical when we tried to explain that in order to get home, we will fly in an airplane, high in the sky; but in any event she is looking forward to going home with us. Tomorrow we will bring with us a storybook for children about air travel that we hope will prepare N for the long journey home.

After getting reacquainted, we spent some time playing with the girls until it was time for their snack of cheese and crackers, and some warm milk. N, true to form, shared her crackers with each of us.

After they finished their snack, we took the girls outside to the orphanage's playground. Not five minutes after we went outside, our Russian adoption agent told us we needed to come inside because it was too cold for the children to be outside without heavier clothes. It was in the 60's---typical Russian late summer weather and both we and N thought it was quite nice, but we weren't about to argue the point with our agent; she (like almost all Russians) is very overprotective of children when it comes to clothing and the weather.

Going inside, we spent more time playing in a large indoor play space near the entrance. I (Andy) was scooting around the room with the girls on what I think was a children's version of a mechanic's creeper and later putting N on my shoulders, while Linda was sending A down a slide that she clearly enjoys a great deal. I got very tired but was very happy to be playing with them both.

N, as before, really enjoyed playing with bubbles and stickers. I (Linda) enjoyed holding A on my lap as she attempted repeatedly to blow bubbles and finally got the hang of it toward the end of our visit. I cheered her on when she was able to blow a few. She seemed happy.

Soon it was time for us to go. We said goodbye, and told the girls we would see them tomorrow. It seems strange to think that the next time we leave this city in a couple of weeks, we will be in custody of both these little girls, and they will be our daughters, forever. Tomorrow, in addition to visiting the girls again, we will also be rehearsing for our court date on Tuesday, preparing for the questions that we will be asked by the judge overseeing the adoption.

It's very late now, and time to try to get some sleep. If we can.

We've Arrived in Krasnoyarsk

After an overnight flight, we arrived in Krasnoyarsk this morning. We have a day to rest. Because of the weekend, we expected we would not get to visit the girls until Monday, but we learned we will get to visit them tomorrow afternoon (Sunday). We were also happy to learn that the area coordinator has often been at the orphanage with other families since our last visit. She has seen the girls often, says they are doing well, and has let them know we are coming.

Seven Doctors in Moscow

Our medical exams in Moscow consisted of seeing seven doctors each: an oncologist, a psychiatrist, a pulmonologist, a nuerologist, a dermatologist, a general practitioner, and a doctor of infectious diseases. Thankfully, the visit with each doctor was brief, and they all seemed satisfied that we are both healthy enough to adopt and parent.

We've Arrived in Moscow

The past couple weeks since we got our travel dates have been a whirlwind of activity. Just arranging airfare for us and the girls literally took over twelve hours of phone calls, making arrangements online, and trips to the airport, as our reservations got lost in cyberspace a couple times, among other complications. We each had 4-5 trips to the clinic for lab tests, chest x-rays, meeting with the doctor, then doing it again when some lab tests were missed. We’ve been busy with house projects: painting the girls’ rooms & playroom with the help of friends, setting up the rooms, and assembling a crib, dresser and toy storage. Andy was working to finish what he could at his job in preparation of being gone for over a month. I’ve been practicing Russian with a Russian friend. Then there was the final shopping and packing. Not much sleep the past couple weeks. Thank God for providing adrenaline when we need it. It will all be worth it soon.

We arrived in Moscow this morning after two uneventful flights. We have a day to rest, then medical exams in Moscow tomorrow (Friday) afternoon, then an overnight flight to Krasnoyarsk. We’re looking forward to seeing our girls again early next week and soon becoming a family. We’ll continue to provide updates as we have them.

Blessed Beyond Measure

How do we begin to express thanks to the many who have been praying for us and supporting us along this journey, and the many who have shown us kindness in so many wonderful, unexpected ways? I think of family and friends who have given very generous gifts to help us afford these adoptions, the friend who donated frequent flyer miles for our trip, the friends who helped paint the girls' rooms and helped move furniture, the friends who have thrown showers and the family and friends who have showered us with gifts for the girls, the friends who have given lots of great advice on traveling with children, the friends who searched Craig's List for a stroller for traveling, our doctor friend who put together a first aid kit for our trip and drove us to the airport at 4:15 am, the friends who are taking care of our home and yard while we're gone, our Russian friend who offered to make the girls' favorite food for them when they arrive home and who said I can call her 24 hours a day if we need help communicating, the friends who are adoptive parents who have shared their stories and walked with us on our journey, the friends who have often provided a listening ear, encouragement, and prayer along the way, some for years, and have rejoiced with us at every step of progress. My eyes well up as I think of you all. We thank God for each and every one of you and for so sweetly blessing us!

We're Heading to Russia July 28th!

We got our travel dates today. I prayed we'd get them by today. God is so faithful. So our itinerary will look something like this:

July 28 6:30 am - We leave for Moscow

July 29 - We arrive in Moscow

July 30 - We have medical exams in Moscow, then fly overnight to Krasnoyarsk

July 31 - We arrive in Krasnoyarsk

Aug. 2 - We prepare for court and probably visit the girls

Aug. 3 - We have a court hearing (usually 2-3 hours)

Aug. 3-13 - There is a mandatory ten-day waiting period, during which time we can visit the girls

Aug. 13 or later - Lord willing, the judge signs the adoption decree and we become a family

Aug. 14-17 - We begin adjusting to life as a family and get passports for the girls

Aug. 18 - The four of us fly from Krasnoyarsk to Moscow

Aug. 19 or 20 - The girls have medical exams in Moscow, and we go to the U.S. Embassy to complete documents for the visa process.

Aug. 21 8:30 pm - The four of us arrive home!

We have a date...more details to come.

Just got word today of our official court date to appear in Russia before a judge to take custody.  It's soon.  More later. :)

Caseworker #4

We've had three different adoption caseworkers since we turned in our adoption application a couple years ago. They've all been great. Our first, Sara, left when she had a baby. Our second, Kristina, took a position much closer to her home this spring. Our third, Alison, whom we haven't even met yet (except by phone and e-mail), is leaving to spend more time at home with her children. Our soon-to-be fourth, Laura, will become our caseworker in early July. It can be a bit challenging to change caseworkers this late in the process, as our new caseworker will have to very quickly become familiar with us and the details of our process, as well as the complicated Russia adoption process, while working with several other families in various phases of the adoption process who are adopting from several other countries, which all have their own requirements. We'd appreciate prayer for a continued smooth process.

Our Paperwork Arrived!

Despite my fumbles in my attempts to get our paperwork to Russia in time for it to be presented to a judge this week Wednesday (see last week's post below), it actually did arrive in time for that to happen! Jesus' words come to mind, "What is impossible with men is possible with God" (Luke 18:27). We're so thankful that we and this whole adoption process are in God's hands! We're thankful too for your prayers!

At this point we're hoping for an August 3rd court date in Russia. We hope to have a confirmed court date after the judge has had a couple weeks to review our documents. We'll post when we have a confirmed court date.

Please Pray for a Summer Court Date

Last week our caseworker e-mailed and said they're hoping to get us a court date in Russia in early July. This was good news, but now it looks like it will be later...

We had already taken all our documents with us to Russia on our last trip, so we thought we were done with paperwork. This afternoon our caseworker called and said they need three more documents, including photos of our house and of us with the girls, and all the documents need to be notarized and apostilled this afternoon, then sent overnight to the office in Grand Rapids, Michigan to arrive there by tomorrow morning, so they can be presented to a judge in Russia by next Wednesday. Otherwise, we may have to wait 'til September for a court date and bringing the girls home. Well, having only a couple hours was not enough time to figure out what we needed, select photos of us with the girls to show the judge, upload photos to Target for printing, schedule an appointment with a notary, drive to downtown Minneapolis to meet with a notary with Andy, then drive to downtown St. Paul in rush hour to get the documents apostilled before the office closed. Adding to the frustration, in the midst of trying to get all this done in a short period of time, I locked my keys in the car while picking up photos at Target, then later upon returning home, I discovered I locked myself out of the house!

I will plan to get all this taken care of tomorrow, but I don't know if the documents will arrive to Russia by next Wednesday, which could mean a September court date rather than a July or August one. Would you join us in praying that we would get a July or August court date? Thanks for praying!

"I am going to prepare a place for you"

I love how human adoption reflects God's adoption of us. Here's another aspect that recently came to mind.

We are in a time of waiting to find out when we can return to Russia to appear before a court and officially become a family and bring the girls home. Our caseworker told us that families typically wait 2-4 months for their second trip to Russia. After beginning to bond with the girls, that seems like a long time.

We're not just waiting, though. We're preparing - getting rooms ready for the girls, preparing a play room, considering education options, thinking and reading more about how to parent well, and making a list of things to get before we return to Russia to bring them home with us.

It occurred to me the other day that as Jesus was nearing the end of his time with his disciples on this earth and knew he would be going to Heaven soon, he said to them, "I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am" (John 14:2-3).

The bigger picture. What we're doing in preparing a place for our soon-to-be children is a reminder of what Jesus is doing for us. He is even now preparing a place for us with Him in Heaven, in whose presence is fullness of joy. How glorious and joyful it will be when we are with Him forever!

Thank You!

It has meant so much to us to have so many of you praying for us, walking with us in our adoption journey, and sharing in our joy as we got to meet the girls!! We have so appreciated all the prayers, e-mails, blog comments, and words of love!! We are incredibly blessed! Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts!

We have photos...just not here.

Thanks for all the kind comments regarding the photos of our meetings with the kiddos. For now, we're taking down the photos we posted earlier today, since we've been advised that it's better not to post photos until the process is completed. If you want to see them, email us and we'll send you a link where you can see them.

Evidence of God's Providence

I wrote this before meeting the girls, but am just now posting it.

It is beautiful to see how God works out His plans for His children. As I reflect on our adoption referral, these are a few of the ways I see evidence of God's providence:

- The ages of the girls are so similar to the ages of many of our friends' kids, including many children in our small group (a great group of friends we meet with weekly for fellowship, Bible study, & prayer). N is 4 1/2, almost 5, and A is 1 1/2. In our small group, there are four other 4 & 5-year-old girls and four other kids around 1 1/2! Other friends too have kids that are similar ages! What a blessing! We certainly hope that our kids and our friends' kids will enjoy spending time together, and being similar ages makes this much more likely. God knows how much this means to me. Also, the fact that we regularly spend time with kids these ages already has helped us to prepare.

- Last fall I was asked to help out with the 4-year-old Sunday School class at church as needed. At the time, we did not know what ages of children might be referred to us. I love how God led me to serve in this class, knowing that it would be helpful for me to get more experience interacting with 4-year-olds before becoming a parent of one.

- After caring for the children of friends for 24 hours a few months ago, with the youngest being 1 1/2, I said to Andy, "I really like that age" (old enough to start to walk and talk and young enough to still like to snuggle a lot). We were told by our caseworker a few months ago that it was unlikely we could adopt a child under 2 from Russia. I was sad, thinking we'd never get to parent a child this age, but God has provided for the desire of my heart.

- When we initially began pursuing adopting from Russia, I asked about adopting from Irkutsk, where Andy & I had served together when we were just out of college, and where we still have dear friends, but Irkutsk is closed to U.S. adoptions. So we said we'd be open to adopting from any region in Russia. Well, our referral could have come from any of ten regions in Russia, but it comes from Krasnoyarsk, the region just west of Irkutsk. This means that if we decide to visit Irkutsk at some point, it's nearby.

- The timing of the referral was perfect. We moved into our new home last November and are almost done settling in. I finished working in January. For the past couple years, I wondered when to finish working, never knowing when the referral might come. If the referral came while I was still working, my life would be crazy busy and very stressful while trying to get it all done. At the same time, there was the possibility I'd finish working, then not get a referral for another year or two. But God led me to finish in January, and I spent significant time in Feb., March, & April promoting the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit, which took place at the end of April. Now I have time to prepare to become a parent without other significant responsibilities or distractions. Again, God knew. I love seeing how He led.

Reflecting on these things reminds me of Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Again, God has demonstrated his lovingkindness for us in so many ways!

Having Said Yes

Note: This post was written Friday morning Moscow time, while we were flying back from Krasnoyarsk to Moscow.  I wasn't able to post it until we returned home this evening.  



We haven't been posting the past two days as much; between spending time with the girls, driving to and from the orphanage, and trying to ignore our jet-lag-aggravated fatigue, there hasn't been much energy left to spend writing.  Now that we're on our way back, we're putting down our memories and thoughts and working from them to reconstruct the past few days.  


Legally, the purpose of this first trip to Russia was to meet the girls and then decide whether or not we wish to continue the adoption process, which would require us to return to Russia when a court date is chosen for us (typically 2-3 months from the time of a decision to adopt).  Yesterday we visited a notary public and signed a document stating that yes, we do wish to continue the process of adopting N and A. We had been leaning towards this anyway, but the time we have spent with them over the past few days has both been a confirmation of our leanings, while also opening our eyes further to the reality of what it will mean to parent these two girls.


Our time with the girls consisted of three two-hour visits, one per day, in the same big play room at the orphanage in which we first met them on Tuesday.  As was recommended to us by child experts experienced in adoption, we did not just rush up to the girls on the first day and sweep them up off the floor into our arms immediately; rather, we were presented to them as "Mama e Papa" (mommy and daddy) and we coaxed them to us with toys, smiles, and small snacks, and let them approach us as they felt more comfortable and secure. This felt a bit awkward to me, but looking back I believe it was the right thing to do, since we didn't want to frighten them and start things off on a bad foot.  


As it turned out, we spent most of our time together blowing bubbles, cutting out stickers for a book, holding A in our laps, and eating the small snacks we brought with us.  N is a very friendly and conscientious child, and she would take a small cracker or a raisin out of the snack-traps (which were AWESOME to have with us) and first feed herself, then her sister, then us, then one of the workers in the room with us, over and over until the snacks were gone.  She was very sweet to us, although she did not seem too interested in a great deal of direct physical contact like hugging, kissing, tickling, etc.  She was always doing something, showing us something, or playing with one or both of us.  Whenever she got tired of doing something, she'd carefully pack up whatever it was and put it away before going and getting something else she wanted to play with.  


Her clear favorite was the bubble-blowing stuff that we brought along.  Over and over again she was delighted to see bubbles float around, or to see our reactions as she would blow them on our faces.  N also really enjoyed the transparent, liquid/sparkly-filled rubber balls that we bought at Target the night before we left.  She'd throw them on the ground, squeal at the swirling colors set in motion within, and then rush and show the result to us or the other adults in the room.  N also liked to use scissors to cut paper and stickers to put into one of the coloring books we brought with us. She wielded the scissors pretty well, asking for help from Papa occasionally for the really tough ones.  She also drew a picture of Papa on a whiteboard that included a mustache, but she didn't draw the beard, saying "he's got hair everywhere!"


A, being about 18 months old, wqs generally much more passive than her sister.  She pretty much would stay in our laps and just watch whatever we were doing, unless we specifically put something in front of her.  She wouldn't make a sound or move on her own.  When we did give her things to do, she would do them well, like stacking blocks or rings.  Her face, unlike N,  was generally neutral while she watched us or what we were doing.  


What A really took to, though, were the teddy graham crackers that we brought with us in one of the snack-traps.  After she tasted her first one, she would start pulling them out and eating them, one at a time nonstop, until they were gone.  We had brought a number of small snacks with us (also at the suggestion of adoption experts) in the hope that feeding the kids would both help them feel better around us and would also help them start bonding with us as providers for their needs.  The first day A pretty much ate the entire little cup of teddy grahams all by herself, but on the last day, she made Papa very happy by unexpectedly picking out crackers and, instead of eating them herself, held them up to my mouth, unasked.  Such a simple gesture, but it almost made me tear up since I knew how much she loved the crackers (and I knew she wasn't full since she would allow me to feed her one each time after feeding me).  


A was also much more appreciative of being hugged, kissed, tickled, and other forms of physical contact than her sister.  It took a while to get her to warm up to it, but she soon got happy when Papa would pick her up and kiss her.  She really loved it when I would put her on a slide and then sit myself down at the bottom and hold out my arms.  Then she'd send herself down and giggle when I'd pick her up at the bottom.  These moments made me very, very happy.  I had hoped to have a similar reaction from N as well, but she remained content to turn down opportunities for similar contact, at least for now.


Linda and N enjoyed tossing a huge rubber ball back and forth on our last day there while A and I were on the slide and in the ball pit (what a great play room this orphanage has, let me tell you!).  


Linda had put together a photo album with pictures of us, our home, rooms in our house, members of our families and our friends, along with labels on each one in Russian with people's names and relationship to us.  Linda went through this photo album with N on the second day and told her in Russian who and where everything was: Grandmas Linda and Pat, Uncles and Aunts Jess, Dan and Cherub, Mark and Carol, Glen and Rhiannon, cousins and friends.  N asked who each person was, and wondered at her cousin's braces (she had never seen braces on people's teeth before!). On the third and final day she picked it up out of our bag and asked Mama to go through it again.  


Leaving on the last day was hard, and a bit abrupt.  When the worker came in to tell us that it was time for the girls to leave, N dutifully got her sister and started taking her to the door.  A started crying, but we weren't sure if it was more because she was being taken away from us, or from the still unfinished cup of teddy grahams in her hand that she'd been sharing with me earlier.  We didn't really get much of a long goodbye with them, and we weren't sure if N really understood that we wouldn't be back tomorrow or for a while after that.  Our hope is that the caregivers will explain as best as she can understand that we are coming back for her, but it will be a little while before that can happen.


During that last day at the orphanage, we saw small groups of other orphans in the playroom, being cared for by the staff.  Although the staff were doing a great job with them, we still couldn't help but feel sad for them, knowing that few of them would ever get a chance to be placed with a family. One little girl, about 3 years old, kept looking over at us playing with N and A and would run over to try to get near us before one of the caregivers would come and move her back to the area they were playing in.  It broke my heart, and Linda and I were pensive as we rode back to the city from the orphanage, not just because the girls we hope to call daughters are still back there, but also because so many, many others, hundreds of thousands, scattered all over that vast country, await a Mama and Papa who will probably never come. Even now, my heart in my throat, I struggle to compose myself as I recall her little face.


Flying back home, leaving our girls behind, I have great hope that very soon we will bring them home with us.  In the meantime, they are being cared for in what I believe is likely the best orphanage in all of Russia, by people who truly care for them and will reassure them that Mama and Papa are coming back for them soon.  What has my eyes stinging and my breath catching in my throat now is not that they are not with us; it is that so many others can look forward to no such hopes.  Oh God, of all the groanings of this fallen world, surely this is one of the most heartbreaking; have mercy on these little ones.

Good news about Russia/U.S. Talks on Adoption

This would be wonderful news if it goes through smoothly here in Russia tomorrow.  Restricting adoptions to Hague-compliant agencies is a good idea, because the Hague Convention requires (among other things) that international adoption agencies fully inform prospective adoptive families about the problems and risks that adoptive children face in international adoptions, and that the parents sign off on having been informed about these issues and agree to assume these risks before moving forward.

Any loving family, I would hope, would want to know as much as possible about the challenges that their children might experience in the process.  We spent hours reading and watching instructional videos about these issues as part of our application process.  It's a lot to learn, and hearing about the hard things that can happen in adoption is not particularly encouraging or uplifting.  Perhaps that's why so many people have avoided facing the issue squarely and instead naively choose to think that everything will just go smoothly for their adopted child/children.  Sometimes things do in fact go smoothly, but for many children (especially as they get older) the transition to a new family, a new language, new culture, and new everything else can be very difficult, and the trauma they had already suffered doesn't just go away because they're now in a different family and culture.  Parents need to think through and understand how hard this process can be for a child, even if they are greatly loved by their new parents.  The Hague process tries to make sure that parents are sensitized to this and have their expectations adjusted as a result.  (It also tries to impose ethical practices and safeguards to make sure that children are not simply bought and sold, which was the reason that US adoptions from a number of Latin American countries have been shut down for the time being due to corruption in this area.)

Even so, the failed adoption of the boy whose return to Russia touched off all this furor was facilitated by an apparently reputable and Hague-accredited agency, so presumably the mother in that case went through the process, was informed about these issues, and still chose to return her son after he had problems adjusting to his new family.  Whatever the facts about that situation, the process still can't guarantee that parents will wisely handle whatever problems arise with their adoptive children.  Although this upcoming agreement is a good development, and I hope for improvements in U.S. parental preparation for adoptions, I will not be surprised to see more sad stories in the future.

Please Continue to Pray for Russian Adoptions

Thank you to those of you who have been praying for the talks between Russian and American authorities regarding the future of Russian adoptions by Americans. It sounds like the first round of talks on April 29th went well. Further discussion on an adoption agreement is scheduled for today, Wed., May 12th. (Moscow time is 9 hours ahead of Central Standard Time.) (More info here.) We'd appreciate continued prayers for this. Thanks!

Our First Meeting

This morning we met the girls for the first time.  They are delightful.


First we had a brief meeting at the local Education Ministry office to sign some documents, and then we were driven to the orphanage in a nearby town.  The caregivers brought us to a large, colorful room with toys and activities for children, and then the girls were brought in.  N, the older one, was smiling and looking around at us and the other adults in the room, having been told ahead of time that the parents she's been waiting for were coming to meet her.  Her younger sister A was a bit more reserved, but still came to us when beckoned.  We played with the girls by ourselves for a while among a colorful ball pit in the room, blowing bubbles, looking at books, and presenting them with a pair of teddy bears we brought for them.


We learned that N is the oldest child in the orphanage, and her sister A is the youngest.  N is a great helper at the orphanage, and not only looks out for her younger sister but also helps take care of the other younger children.  By this time, typically a child at N's age would be moved to another orphanage for older children, but in this case she has remained at this orphanage to be with her sister.  


We heard N tell and act out Russian children's stories with toys, and share rhymes she's learned from the caregivers there.  While she was doing this, we were holding A in our arms and showing her a book with various animals with fur patches for her to touch while she looked at the pictures.  After playing with a particular toy, N would put everything back in its place just as it was before.  One thing that was interesting to watch: she had taken out a set of ten stackable cubes and had stacked them up.  Then, we showed her a new set of ten stackable plastic cups of about the same size that we had brought with us.  Without hesitation or direction, once she unpacked the cups and saw that there were ten of them, she immediately began pairing them up: the largest cube and cup next to each other, then the next largest cube and cup next to each other, and so on all the way down.  She seems very organized!  


During our visit, N pretty much had a smile on her face the whole time, while A watched what was happening or played in either my lap or Linda's.  A was quiet but seemed content to be with us, initially watching her older sister when she wasn't sure what to think about us.  By the end, A was smiling back at me when I smiled at her.


When it came time for the girls to have their lunch, we said goodbye until tomorrow afternoon, when we will return to see them again.  They both hugged us (A seemed a bit reluctant to leave Linda and just kept hugging her until her sister N came to get her) and then left with the caregivers, holding the teddy bears we gave them.


We then spent over an hour with the assistant director of the orphanage, going over their medical and family history, and learning about their routines at the orphanage.  Our plan is to try to let them adjust as gradually as we reasonably can to help them transition from their institutional life to that of our home.  


One thing that deeply impressed us was the quality of the care that the girls have been receiving at this orphanage, and the quality of the staff members that we spoke to.  The assistant director was fantastic and clearly cares a great deal about the children there, and she was very knowledgeable about the girls.  One of the caregivers with us in the room with the girls described her work with the girls as "art therapy", where they teach the children to tell stories with toys and puppets, and thereby help them develop their speech and communication skills.  We saw other evidence of good care of the children; everything was clean and bright, there were plenty of staff around, they were in a great facility, and they were all quite knowledgeable about the girls.  The girls looked well fed, clean, healthy, and had good rapport with the caregivers. 


One of the head caregivers made a point of talking with us and our translator in an impromptu meeting as we were leaving, to tell us much more about N.  She said that N is the staff favorite among the children; she is helpful and patient with the other children, and they were very glad to see how happy she was after their meeting us for the first time.  While she was telling us how N has been waiting for parents to come and bring her and her sister to a home, this woman got emotional herself, since they love the girls and will miss them but are very glad they are getting adopted by parents.


After leaving the orphanage, we had a big lunch with our agency reps, went back to our apartment, and crashed.  We are very much looking forward to our next visit tomorrow afternoon.

We're Meeting the Girls Today

Knowing we're meeting the girls today, combined with jetlag, is making it hard for us to sleep. I'm on a listserv of people who have adopted or are in the process of adopting from Russia. I recently asked if any of them would be open to sharing their experiences of first meeting their children. Many responded. Their experiences on that first meeting varied greatly from the children being afraid of them and screaming (toddlers usually have stranger anxiety) or being withdrawn to coming up to them and calling them "Mama" and "Papa". Whatever happened on that first day, the majority are well attached to their adoptive parents now. So we don't know what to expect today, but we'll be bringing some toys and Teddy Grahams and goldfish crackers along with us to help draw the girls to us.

Trusting God to Lead Us

When I think about the fact that we’re about to make one of the biggest decisions of our lives, I’m so thankful that our Lord has promised to lead us. I’ve been reading “Hearing God” by Dallas Willard (an excellent book), and I’m reminded of time after time of how God has led me as I’ve made decisions, some of which I see more clearly in hindsight. We are excited to adopt and to become parents, yet it can be a bit overwhelming to think of making a lifetime commitment to parent children we will only get to know briefly. I’ve been reading through Genesis lately, and on Friday (the day before we left for Russia), I came to Genesis 24, which relates the story of how God led Abraham’s servant to find a wife for Isaac. Abraham’s servant traveled to another country, trusting God to lead him to the woman He chose to be Isaac’s wife. In God’s providence I came to that story the day before our trip. I’m thankful to God for lovingly reassuring us that as we also have traveled to another country, we can trust Him to lead us to the children He has chosen to be part of our family.

Happy to Be Here!

After our flight from NY to Moscow was rerouted to avoid the volcanic ash over parts of Europe and then delayed due to strong winds, we arrived in Moscow yesterday afternoon. After our flight to Krasnoyarsk was delayed due to thunderstorms, we arrived early this morning.

I love how Russians clap when the pilot safely lands the plane. I've enjoyed hearing Russian spoken, practicing my Russian, and reading signs in Russian, although most people we've needed to talk with have spoken English. It's a delight for me to be in Russia again! It's been ten years since I was last here, and it's been 17 years for Andy. Things have changed a lot.

We're thankful for a day to rest and get acclimated before an appointment with the Ministry of Education tomorrow morning and then heading to the orphanage to meet the girls. :)

We're here.

Three flights and thirty hours of traveling later, we are looking out of an apartment window over the city of Krasnoyarsk.  There will be more to write later, but for now I just want you all to know that we got here safely and we're looking forward to meeting the girls tomorrow.  Thank you to all of you who have been praying and hoping with us along the way to get to this point. I'll post more when I've had some breakfast and rested a bit.

Fifteen Thousand Miles, Eight Days

Saturday morning, we begin what will be a fifteen thousand mile journey over eight days, assuming there  are no more eruptions, literal or figurative.  In an orphanage just outside Krasnoyarsk, are the two little girls we hope to meet Tuesday through Thursday. Pray that our trip goes well, and that adoptions in Russia remain open.