Gotcha minus 9

Adoptive parents informally refer to the day of taking physical custody of the child as “gotcha day”.  After our hearing Tuesday, there began a mandatory ten-day waiting period at the end of which the judge will sign the final adoption decree.  Until that day, Linda and I will drive each day for an hour to the orphanage to spend a couple of hours with the girls.

On Gotcha Day, at the end of next week, things will be different.  We will make the same trip out to Sosnovoborsk as we have many times before, but this time we will bring two sets of girls' clothing with us.  Before we leave with the girls, they will change into the new clothes that we give them, and leave their old ones behind at the orphanage, to be used by other children who will need them.  We will walk out the big white doors at the entrance to the van, drive out the blue gates of the orphanage, and never return.  The girls will probably never see any of the other children or the caregivers again, except for the photos of staff that we have been allowed to take for the girls' sake.

Prior to Gotcha Day, we have some work to do in preparing for our new status as parents.  We will have to have everything ready in our little flat for the girls to stay for a few days with us, until all their paperwork is in order and we can leave Krasnoyarsk with them.  We need to have the proper food, clothing, diapers, toys, and all that; most of this we have already done, though we have some more work to do before our ten days are up.  

But we also have to figure out how to get on with becoming a family with two girls who do not speak English.  In a sense, we have been preparing for this for over two years.  But now that we are coming to the point of the reality of their arrival in nine days, we are beginning to see more clearly the challenges of this, especially after getting more face to face time with the girls at the orphanage, and seeing more details of their little personalities emerging.

Nadia is a pleasant, smiling little girl who likes to play with us, and likes talking to adults.  We can tell, though, that she is a bit at a loss in talking to us (me especially), and I am sure she wonders why these strange-sounding adults seem so hard of hearing what she is saying.  We have also noticed that she tends to quickly move from one activity to another.  I have been wondering on this; whether this is mainly because she is the only older child in an orphanage that is designed for children more her sister's age and she is therefore used to getting quickly bored by the simple activities the toddlers are doing, or if instead it is because she has a naturally short attention span.  

She also seems to prefer not to do things that she does not already know how to do well.  She has demonstrated a great deal of competence in various areas; but when we have shown her a new thing that she has never done before, rather than attempt to do the new thing (like jumping backwards instead of forwards, for example), she will turn away and want to do something else.  Perhaps again this is because she is used to being the big girl on the block who knows how to do everything, and doesn't want to try to do anything in front of us if she's not absolutely sure she knows how to do it.  Maybe she's afraid of disappointing us if she can't do something, or maybe she doesn't want to be seen as dependent in any way for help from adults?  
Until our language situation gets better, it could be pretty hard to really understand what's going on in her little heart.  How would we teach English to a girl who might be ashamed when not doing things perfectly well?  Or is this something else, a very strongly self determined little person who simply chooses only to do what they know well because she feels more in control exercising mastered skills?  Both?  Or something else?  And how shall we love and parent her well in this early time when communication is harder?

These are some of the things going through our minds now, as Gotcha Day gets closer.