Visits

Our daily visits with the girls have been pleasant.  One day this week we got to spend a couple of hours outside with them at the orphanage, which has several playgrounds, a courtyard, and a very beautiful flower and rock garden within its outer walls.  We played in a sand box, on some slides, and walked around looking at bees, grasshoppers, butterflies, and other things one finds in the grass in a Russian midsummer.  Eliana loved playing in the sand, picking it up and bringing it to Linda handfuls at a time.  Nadia and I threw crabapples up into the air and dodged them as they fell back down.  She still seemed to prefer playing on her own, or maybe she just didn't find me all that rewarding a playmate when I couldn't converse with her in Russian. 

We got a look at a typical lunch the girls are given, and were surprised at the size of the portions, which seemed like they would easily feed an adult.  The girls each ate a big bowl of soup with a large hunk of bread, then a bowl of shell macaroni and chicken meatballs.  Alongside this was a glass of fruit punch.  Both girls quickly ate their meal; Nadia ate neatly and gave her sister some of her own portion, while Eliana surprised us at how well and how quickly she was able to feed herself.  

There were no children's eating utensils.  The girls both used adult spoons, cups, and plates, with no sippy cups or kid-sized anything.  At 20 months of age, Eliana picks up a cup and drinks like an adult would (though more noisily) and she's always out of breath when she's through.  She does spill some of the food onto herself, but I was still struck at how well this little girl can feed herself with no help, and how quickly she eats.  She held her large adult spoon in her tiny hand out at the end of the handle, just like an grownup would, even though the spoon was as long as her own forearm.  I did end up helping her by cutting up her chicken meatball into smaller pieces, which caused her some alarm until she saw I was not going to eat her food but was instead chopping it up for her.  I wonder if the girls have had other kids grab their food when caregivers aren't looking, or if they're just taught to eat quickly to keep things moving for the caregivers.  

Our Adoption Journey

A couple friends recently asked the story of our adoption journey. Since others of you may also be interested, and I enjoy telling the story, here it is:

I remember telling Andy before we even got married that I'd be interested in adopting someday. Knowing there are many children in the world in need of loving parents and feeling compassion for those growing up not feeling loved, I shared that I'd be happy to adopt a child or children in need of a loving home someday. Andy also was open to adopting someday. (I've since learned there are approximately 143 million orphans in the world today!)

Well, we got busy with our lives, pursuing ministry, studies, and work and enjoying those things. Every now and then the topic of adopting would come up, but it wasn't a top priority for either of us for the first several years of our marriage. It was always something we might pursue "later".

Then on the evening of April 29, 2006, we attended a fundraiser at a local Russian church, where teens and their leaders were describing a mission trip to a Russian orphanage. The photos and stories broke both of our hearts. That evening God gave me a deep desire to adopt Russian orphans. I remember praying that evening, "Lord, if you want us to adopt, please put it on Andy's heart too." Without my saying anything, later that evening, Andy said, "I think we should adopt sooner rather than later." Wow, that was a quick answer to prayer and affirmation from the Lord!

Andy was in seminary at the time with one year to go and thought it best to wait until after he graduated before we started the adoption process. He would be graduating in May 2007. During that year we talked about where we might adopt from. Both of us shared that we'd like to adopt siblings from Russia. Wow, not only were we agreed on adopting, but without even having to discuss it, we both felt led to adopt siblings from Russia! We sensed the Lord must have put that on both of our hearts, as we've not often both felt led to do the same thing! (Why Russia? We spent several months there as short-term missionaries when we were just out of college, so we have a heart for the people and know some of the language. Also, although there are orphans all over the world, we are most familiar with the plight of orphans in Russia.)

Just before we were to officially start the adoption process, in April 2007, major newspapers were reporting that Russia had suspended international adoptions. So we prayed God would reopen Russia to international adoptions. After Andy graduated in May 2007, we began looking into adoption agencies. At our first adoption agency informational meeting on June 22, 2007, we learned that some U.S. adoption agencies were starting to get reaccredited for Russian adoptions again! Another answer to prayer!

During the next several months we were hearing some discouraging news about adoptions from Russia, that it might move very slowly, or we could invest a lot of money, and it might not happen. We prayed about it, considered other options, but in the end stuck with Russia, because we believe that is how God led us.

Early in the process we learned that adoptions from Russia are very expensive, and adopting two at once, even more expensive (more than a year's salary), and we wondered how we would ever pay for it. We heard others share stories of starting the adoption process, not knowing where the money would come from and seeing God provide every last cent. We too started the process in faith, not knowing where the money would come from, but trusting that if God is leading, then He will provide what we need. Three years later, as we are about to complete this process, we can say God has indeed provided every last cent. He has done it in a variety of ways - generous gifts from family & friends, selling our last home at a significant profit (many thanks to family & friends who helped us prepare the home to sell!), receiving a homebuyer's tax credit on our current home, receiving frequent flyer miles for our trip from a friend, etc. We're very thankful to family and friends who have given generous gifts to help us afford to do this! And we're very thankful to God who has provided for every need!

We also learned that adopting children older than infants can be challenging, because the children will have experienced the loss of their first caregivers and potentially other traumas before being adopted, which can deeply affect how they view themselves and others, and therefore affect their bonding and behavior. While my heart went out to hurting kids, I wondered if I would be up to parenting kids in such a situation. The past few years have provided opportunities to learn a lot about helping hurting kids to heal, as well as getting to know lots of other adoptive parents with a variety of experiences. While we expect challenges after adopting, we now feel better prepared, or at least better aware of lots of great resources available to us, than we did a few years ago.

The process involved LOTS of paperwork, doctor appointments, and various trainings. We finally completed our home study and dossier in the spring of '09 and were told we'd probably wait 1-2 years for a referral. Actually, we received our first referral (for 3 siblings) about the same time as all our paperwork was complete. After agonizing over the decision, we declined our first referral for a combination of reasons.

On March 19, 2010, we received the referral for Nadia & Alyona. Andy was away at a conference, and I was at home when the referral came, so we spoke briefly by phone on his conference breaks. Our first response upon seeing their photos was, "They're cute!" We also were very happy that the girls are similar ages to many of our friends' kids! We had a week to make a decision, during which time we had their medical information reviewed by the International Adoption Clinic, received hopeful responses, prayed, and asked others to pray for us as we made our decision. At the end of the week, we decided to proceed.

We were initially scheduled to travel to Russia April 17-24 to meet the girls. It was about a week previous that Tori Hanson caused an international incident by sending her adopted son back to Russia on a plane by himself, which led Russian authorities to threaten to suspend U.S. adoptions of Russian children. All week we wondered whether we would be traveling or not. Our trip seemed to be on again, off again.

As of the morning of April 17th, adoptions were still proceeding and our flight was on. We got as far as the airport gate that morning, waiting to board the plane, when the announcement came that all travel to Europe was cancelled due to volcanic ash over Europe. So we headed back home. We learned that the last time this volcano erupted was about 180 years ago, and it lasted for two years! We prayed this one wouldn't disrupt travel very long. Thankfully, it cleared up within a week.

Threats of Russia suspending U.S. adoptions of Russian children continued, with many news sources saying that was the case. The U.S. State Department website, however, assured us that adoptions were still proceeding, although more slowly in some regions. That was another answer to prayer that adoptions were continuing!

So our first trip to meet the girls was rescheduled for May 8-15. We didn't know what to expect. We had read that toddlers often are afraid of strangers and could react to us in a variety of ways. We were pleasantly surprised when Nadia (almost 5) approached us all smiles and her sister Alyona (18 mos.), unsure what to make of us at first, quickly warmed up to us. We found them delightful, began to bond, and decided after our first visit with them, to proceed in adopting them. We were also very happy to see that have been well taken care of in a very good orphanage, yet another answer to prayer!

The last couple months since then have been full of more paperwork (which thankfully made it to Russia in time for an Aug. 3rd court date, despite my fumbles), Russian language study, reading about adoptive parenting, painting rooms, shopping for the girls, and other preparations.

And that brings us to our current trip to officially adopt the girls and bring them home. We thank God for healing Andy from illness shortly before our scheduled court date earlier this week! And we're thankful for continued bonding with the girls.

As I reflect on this journey, I'm deeply thankful for our Heavenly Father's guiding and providing hand from beginning to end, which is very encouraging as our journey in many ways is really just about to begin. And we are thankful to all of you for praying with us and walking with us along this journey!

Gotcha minus 9

Adoptive parents informally refer to the day of taking physical custody of the child as “gotcha day”.  After our hearing Tuesday, there began a mandatory ten-day waiting period at the end of which the judge will sign the final adoption decree.  Until that day, Linda and I will drive each day for an hour to the orphanage to spend a couple of hours with the girls.

On Gotcha Day, at the end of next week, things will be different.  We will make the same trip out to Sosnovoborsk as we have many times before, but this time we will bring two sets of girls' clothing with us.  Before we leave with the girls, they will change into the new clothes that we give them, and leave their old ones behind at the orphanage, to be used by other children who will need them.  We will walk out the big white doors at the entrance to the van, drive out the blue gates of the orphanage, and never return.  The girls will probably never see any of the other children or the caregivers again, except for the photos of staff that we have been allowed to take for the girls' sake.

Prior to Gotcha Day, we have some work to do in preparing for our new status as parents.  We will have to have everything ready in our little flat for the girls to stay for a few days with us, until all their paperwork is in order and we can leave Krasnoyarsk with them.  We need to have the proper food, clothing, diapers, toys, and all that; most of this we have already done, though we have some more work to do before our ten days are up.  

But we also have to figure out how to get on with becoming a family with two girls who do not speak English.  In a sense, we have been preparing for this for over two years.  But now that we are coming to the point of the reality of their arrival in nine days, we are beginning to see more clearly the challenges of this, especially after getting more face to face time with the girls at the orphanage, and seeing more details of their little personalities emerging.

Nadia is a pleasant, smiling little girl who likes to play with us, and likes talking to adults.  We can tell, though, that she is a bit at a loss in talking to us (me especially), and I am sure she wonders why these strange-sounding adults seem so hard of hearing what she is saying.  We have also noticed that she tends to quickly move from one activity to another.  I have been wondering on this; whether this is mainly because she is the only older child in an orphanage that is designed for children more her sister's age and she is therefore used to getting quickly bored by the simple activities the toddlers are doing, or if instead it is because she has a naturally short attention span.  

She also seems to prefer not to do things that she does not already know how to do well.  She has demonstrated a great deal of competence in various areas; but when we have shown her a new thing that she has never done before, rather than attempt to do the new thing (like jumping backwards instead of forwards, for example), she will turn away and want to do something else.  Perhaps again this is because she is used to being the big girl on the block who knows how to do everything, and doesn't want to try to do anything in front of us if she's not absolutely sure she knows how to do it.  Maybe she's afraid of disappointing us if she can't do something, or maybe she doesn't want to be seen as dependent in any way for help from adults?  
Until our language situation gets better, it could be pretty hard to really understand what's going on in her little heart.  How would we teach English to a girl who might be ashamed when not doing things perfectly well?  Or is this something else, a very strongly self determined little person who simply chooses only to do what they know well because she feels more in control exercising mastered skills?  Both?  Or something else?  And how shall we love and parent her well in this early time when communication is harder?

These are some of the things going through our minds now, as Gotcha Day gets closer.

Da

We just got back to our apartment here in Krasnoyarsk; it's 4:30pm on Tuesday, August 3, 2010.  A judge just approved our request to adopt Nadia and Eliana.

The hearing started at 2pm, in a light green courtroom, the seal of Russia on the front wall.  In the room were the two of us, our interpreter, our agency representative, a representative from the orphanage, a member of the orphanage's board of trustees, the court secretary, the judge, and the local prosecutor.  I was the only male in the room.  We all stood as the judge entered, and she informed us of our rights before the court and asked if we wished to make any requests before beginning the hearing.   We asked that we might be allowed to to use an interpreter and also that we be allowed to submit an album of photos of ourselves with the girls.  Both were approved.

The judge then read aloud our petition to be allowed to adopt Nadia and Eliana, and asked if we had any changes to make, which we did not.  She then asked me to stand and answer a series of questions which lasted most of the hearing.  She wanted to know why we were adopting rather than having children of our own biologically, why we were adopting internationally, why Russia, why two children at a time, and so on.  She wanted to know what our home was like, whether we had any balconies or places that children might fall from, if we had any pets, and if our backyard had a fence.

"Do you have any bad habits?", she asked me.  "Biting my nails," I replied, causing chuckles in the room, "probably others that my wife could tell you about, but none that would affect my ability to adopt these girls."

So many questions--about what I liked to do in my free time, what my job was, how many hours a week I worked, how much I was paid, whether I could afford to raise two children on my salary alone, they seemed to go on and on.  She wasn't hostile, but quite serious and businesslike.  A few times I made the room laugh with my answers, which I thought was an achievement given traditional Russian stoicism.  When she asked me to describe our first meetings with the girls, as I described Nadia's smile, generosity and orderliness, and Eliana's reserve that gradually melted away, I saw the orphanage representative's eyes tearing up at my descriptions of how we began to see the personalities of the girls coming through.

She wanted to know about how we would raise them--how we would handle discipline, tantrums, and unexpected difficulties.  She mentioned the incident of the Russian boy who was adopted and then sent back to Moscow alone on a plane, and asked whether we would do likewise if unexpected problems arose with the girls.  "Absolutely not," I said.  I explained that we knew that we were likely to discover issues and difficulties after getting home with the girls, and that we had a great network of friends and family to support us, along with a great church and professional resources like the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Minnesota close by as well.

Eventually, she told me I could sit down, and she asked Linda to stand and address the court.  Linda got some questions about her plans for work, her cooking, her health habits ("Do you eat cheeseburgers?") and her feelings toward the girls.  Linda did great, and then the judge's questions were over.

Then the representatives from the orphanage, the board of trustees, and the prosecutor addressed the court, giving their assessment and recommendations.  All were in agreement that in view of the fact that the girls had been made available for adoption by Russian families and had not been adopted, and since we had demonstrated the desire and ability to be good parents to them, it was in everyone's best interest to grant our petition.

We then were all told to leave the courtroom while the judge deliberated, and so we stood outside in the darkened corridor for less than five minutes before the judge summoned us back inside.  She read her decision to us, granting our petition to adopt the girls and to change their legal names.  Nadezhda Alexandrovna Kazina became Nadia Eileen Lang, and Alyona Alexandrovna Kazina became Eliana Sophia Lang.  The hearing was adjourned, and the judge told us, "Love them well."

Now we must wait for the mandatory ten-day period before we can take the girls into our custody.  We are allowed to visit them, but they must remain at the orphanage during this time.  Then, once we have them with us at our apartment here in Krasnoyarsk, we have to apply to the US Embassy in Moscow for US passports and visas to allow them to travel with us and to enter the US.  Once those are approved, we will fly to Moscow with the girls, take them to a doctor for mandatory exams, then bring them to the US Embassy in person for their citizenship paperwork to bring with us on the flight.  Then we fly to Atlanta, where they will become citizens upon entering the country, and then the last flight home to Minneapolis.

Three years plus in coming, it is very good to get to this point.  Now we can relax a bit and enjoy our final ten days of kidlessness.  Then the real hard work and fun begins.

God Has Answered; We're Off to Court

Although Andy's symptoms yesterday suggested he might be getting a flu or some such thing, thanks to your prayers and God's faithfulness, Andy feels significantly better this morning! We'll be heading off to court in just over 3 hours. We'd appreciate prayer for the hearing itself. Thanks!

Please Pray for Andy's Health & Our Court Hearing

Our court hearing is scheduled for 2pm Tuesday. (Krasnoyarsk time is 13 hours ahead of MN/WI time.) We rehearsed with the area representative & an interpreter today. We can expect the court hearing to last 2-3 hours.

Andy started feeling ill today. He has a fever, chills, and aches all over. We'd appreciate prayer for a quick recovery, at least well enough for him to appear in court and give answers that will satisfy the judge.

We were told that the husband is asked the majority of the questions. (Their assumption is that the wives are often the instigators of adoption, and that way they can see if the husbands are truly on board.) So the weight of the court hearing falls on him.

Postponing our court date really isn't an option, as the next open court date probably isn't until late September or later.

God has been continually faithful in the past, and we expect He will be faithful once again. Thanks so much for praying for us once again!

Reunion

This afternoon we went back to the orphanage for the first time since we left Krasnoyarsk over two months ago. We arrived and quickly went to the children's upstairs playroom, and then the girls were brought in. N remembered us immediately and broke into a huge smile as she came to us, while her younger sister A didn't seem to remember us so quickly and looked a little frightened at all the attention we were giving her.

We told them how much we missed them, and explained to N that the next time we leave the city we will be taking them with us, several days from now. She seemed a bit skeptical when we tried to explain that in order to get home, we will fly in an airplane, high in the sky; but in any event she is looking forward to going home with us. Tomorrow we will bring with us a storybook for children about air travel that we hope will prepare N for the long journey home.

After getting reacquainted, we spent some time playing with the girls until it was time for their snack of cheese and crackers, and some warm milk. N, true to form, shared her crackers with each of us.

After they finished their snack, we took the girls outside to the orphanage's playground. Not five minutes after we went outside, our Russian adoption agent told us we needed to come inside because it was too cold for the children to be outside without heavier clothes. It was in the 60's---typical Russian late summer weather and both we and N thought it was quite nice, but we weren't about to argue the point with our agent; she (like almost all Russians) is very overprotective of children when it comes to clothing and the weather.

Going inside, we spent more time playing in a large indoor play space near the entrance. I (Andy) was scooting around the room with the girls on what I think was a children's version of a mechanic's creeper and later putting N on my shoulders, while Linda was sending A down a slide that she clearly enjoys a great deal. I got very tired but was very happy to be playing with them both.

N, as before, really enjoyed playing with bubbles and stickers. I (Linda) enjoyed holding A on my lap as she attempted repeatedly to blow bubbles and finally got the hang of it toward the end of our visit. I cheered her on when she was able to blow a few. She seemed happy.

Soon it was time for us to go. We said goodbye, and told the girls we would see them tomorrow. It seems strange to think that the next time we leave this city in a couple of weeks, we will be in custody of both these little girls, and they will be our daughters, forever. Tomorrow, in addition to visiting the girls again, we will also be rehearsing for our court date on Tuesday, preparing for the questions that we will be asked by the judge overseeing the adoption.

It's very late now, and time to try to get some sleep. If we can.